Last Updated: June 2022 Part of human nature is to be understood, feel wanted and needed. Learning to validate our feelings and those of others builds emotional bridges. Establishing these basic connections lays the foundation for emotional safety. It is this safety that allows us to go out into the world and accomplish our daily […]
Can We Force Someone to Love Us? In my practice as a marriage therapist, I have come to see many common themes present themselves within intimate partner relationships. One of these themes is something I have come to call the ‘Love Gun’ analogy. “Love Gun” Analogy This metaphorical weapon comes into the relationship when, out […]
The Opposite of Addiction is Connection As recovering addicts, we tend to spend a lot of time and energy counting the number of days we have been sober. We often look at sobriety as the opposite of addiction, but in actuality, the opposite of addiction is human connection. Regardless of the form our addiction might […]
Tunnel Vision for Behavior or a Substance One of the difficulties in regaining control and reducing compulsive behaviors is the brain becomes fixated on getting the high or pleasure brought on by the behavior or substance. This leaves little to no time for the brain to be aware of emotions, physiological changes, sensations, mental status, […]
Presented by Mark Chamberlain, PhD at the “Togetherness Conference” on October 17, 2015. The following content is his PowerPoint presentation. Emotionally Safe Sex “I feel messed up emotionally” “I’m not crazy!” Attachment System: • I still want to be with my husband physically • I want to know he’s near me Avoidance System: • I […]
From early in their relationship, a couple shared a profound bond. When they were dating he “let her in” more than he had anyone else ever before. As she came to know the person he was inside, she saw his heart and it won her over. She sensed deeply that she’d always be safe with […]
Trust is Different than Forgiveness Forgiveness does not mean that all trust has been restored in our relationship. Forgiveness and trust are not the same. Trust requires evidence, forgiveness does not. We might forgive our spouse for past transgressions, but we may still wonder if we trust him when he says, “I need to work […]
Most parents try to teach their children about forgiveness when something goes wrong by asking them to tell a friend or sibling, “I am sorry.” Forgiveness is not an absolute science. We cannot expect that by doing 1+1 we will get 2 as the result. Our emotions are not some mathematical formula. What is forgiveness? […]
