Last Updated: June 2022 Part of human nature is to be understood, feel wanted and needed. Learning to validate our feelings and those of others builds emotional bridges. Establishing these basic connections lays the foundation for emotional safety. It is this safety that allows us to go out into the world and accomplish our daily […]
Can We Force Someone to Love Us? In my practice as a marriage therapist, I have come to see many common themes present themselves within intimate partner relationships. One of these themes is something I have come to call the ‘Love Gun’ analogy. “Love Gun” Analogy This metaphorical weapon comes into the relationship when, out […]
“Sex is such a chore.” “Why do I dread it sometimes when he starts to touch me?” “Am I broken?” These are some of the statements that I hear from women in my profession as a sex and marriage therapist. Often what lies beneath these statements are feelings of guilt, shame, sadness, and fear. Many […]
Presented by Mark Chamberlain, PhD at the “Togetherness Conference” on October 17, 2015. The following content is his PowerPoint presentation. Emotionally Safe Sex “I feel messed up emotionally” “I’m not crazy!” Attachment System: • I still want to be with my husband physically • I want to know he’s near me Avoidance System: • I […]
Presented by Mark Chamberlain, PhD at the “Togetherness Conference” on October 17, 2015. The following content is his PowerPoint presentation. Trauma Response … • Nervous system recognizes danger quickly, safety more slowly. • What you’re doing may be working, just takes longer than expected Physically Calm Your Aroused Nervous System • Breathe – Phone App: […]
On a daily basis, you work within many complex situations involving both individuals and families. Sometimes you would like to see something in your relationship with others change. In order to be happy, often times, you will want someone else to make that change. Unfortunately, this behavior can lead to feelings of being stuck, helpless […]
Many equate being “in recovery” from a pornography problem with being completely free of the problem. If they blow it and have a slip, they conclude that they’ll be back on track only after they’ve gone a few weeks–or perhaps even months–free of porn again. This is an overly simplistic view. Think about how discouraging […]
There is a human need to feel connected, bonded and attached to the significant people in our lives. Sometimes we are not sure what we need to feel emotionally safe. Emotional needs are not always easy to identify. If we do know our emotional needs, then sometimes it’s even more difficult to ask our loved […]
Meeting Desires with Assertive Behavior What is assertive behavior? It is identifying our inner desires and being willing to share them with others in a sensitive, sensible way. The purpose of assertive behavior is to make our desires known and to be on equal footing with others. We have the right to be heard and […]
Lapse First, let’s examine the definition of lapse. A lapse is “(1) error: a momentary fault or failure in behavior or morality; (2) gap in continuity: a break in the continuity of something” (Encarta® World English Dictionary, Internet Version). When we think of a “slip up” — a momentary fault or failure in behavior — […]
