How Can I Matter in the Relationship and Feel Connected?

There is a human need to feel connected, bonded and attached to the significant people in our lives. Sometimes we are not sure what we need to feel emotionally safe. Emotional needs are not always easy to identify. If we do know our emotional needs, then sometimes it’s even more difficult to ask our loved one to try and meet them.

It might be difficult because we are putting ourselves in a very vulnerable spot. What if we ask and the relationship does not change? We are already hurting because our emotional needs are not being met, and now we might hurt even more when our loved one is asked and still doesn’t meet them — We get hit with a double whammy.

Below are some typical ways that people often feel connected. Please review the list and see which ones fit you. Ask your spouse or other significant people in your life to do the same. Since many items on the list might provide a connection, choose your top four and then discuss them.

How Do I Connect or Bond with my Spouse or Other Significant People?

When I feel that I matter.
When I feel like I am a priority.
When I feel that I am acceptable and lovable as I am.
When I feel like my voice is being heard and considered.
When I feel like I get credit for the effort I am making.
When I feel that it is okay for me to have my emotions and feelings the way I have them.
When I feel respected.
When I feel that you really want to be with me.
When you stand up for me around others, but you don’t have to necessarily agree with me.
When I have some wiggle room and know that you will still love me even if I don’t get it right.
When I am treated as an equal and feel that we are on the same team.
When my problems or concerns mean as much to you as your problems and concerns.

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”
— Tim Robbins