Most of us want to change unwanted behaviors, even if the desire is very small. Wanting change is the beginning. Seeing ourselves as a changed person, going through life without the behavior, is vital to our long-term healing. Working to Change Behavior vs. Seeing us as Changed It has been my experience that most clients […]
A Global Positioning System (GPS) is extremely handy when we are trying to find a location, particularly when we are in unfamiliar territory. We can drive while listening to the audio instructions from the GPS as well as view our position in relationship to the electronic map. Wrong Turn / Recalculating Even with our best […]
On a daily basis, you work within many complex situations involving both individuals and families. Sometimes you would like to see something in your relationship with others change. In order to be happy, often times, you will want someone else to make that change. Unfortunately, this behavior can lead to feelings of being stuck, helpless […]
There is a human need to feel connected, bonded and attached to the significant people in our lives. Sometimes we are not sure what we need to feel emotionally safe. Emotional needs are not always easy to identify. If we do know our emotional needs, then sometimes it’s even more difficult to ask our loved […]
Meeting Desires with Assertive Behavior What is assertive behavior? It is identifying our inner desires and being willing to share them with others in a sensitive, sensible way. The purpose of assertive behavior is to make our desires known and to be on equal footing with others. We have the right to be heard and […]
Lapse First, let’s examine the definition of lapse. A lapse is “(1) error: a momentary fault or failure in behavior or morality; (2) gap in continuity: a break in the continuity of something” (Encarta® World English Dictionary, Internet Version). When we think of a “slip up” — a momentary fault or failure in behavior — […]
Often we get asked by clients, “How can I stop this behavior?” Clients can tell us all the reasons they should stop the behavior, but they often overlook a key component for recovery. It is found in one word, “friendship.” Certainly, there is more to recovery than just friendship, but it does play a vital […]
Trust is Different than Forgiveness Forgiveness does not mean that all trust has been restored in our relationship. Forgiveness and trust are not the same. Trust requires evidence, forgiveness does not. We might forgive our spouse for past transgressions, but we may still wonder if we trust him when he says, “I need to work […]
Most parents try to teach their children about forgiveness when something goes wrong by asking them to tell a friend or sibling, “I am sorry.” Forgiveness is not an absolute science. We cannot expect that by doing 1+1 we will get 2 as the result. Our emotions are not some mathematical formula. What is forgiveness? […]
Addictions are hard to stop. Anyone who has tried to change a behavior knows how much work and effort it takes. Addictions often start because someone introduces us to a substance or stimulus, or out of curiosity we discover it on our own. Sometimes it is a combination of being introduced to the stimulus and […]
