On a daily basis, you work within many complex situations involving both individuals and families. Sometimes you would like to see something in your relationship with others change. In order to be happy, often times, you will want someone else to make that change. Unfortunately, this behavior can lead to feelings of being stuck, helpless […]
Many equate being “in recovery” from a pornography problem with being completely free of the problem. If they blow it and have a slip, they conclude that they’ll be back on track only after they’ve gone a few weeks–or perhaps even months–free of porn again. This is an overly simplistic view. Think about how discouraging […]
There is a human need to feel connected, bonded and attached to the significant people in our lives. Sometimes we are not sure what we need to feel emotionally safe. Emotional needs are not always easy to identify. If we do know our emotional needs, then sometimes it’s even more difficult to ask our loved […]
Instead of rebelling in knee-jerk ways, remember the true range of your freedom. Sometimes, destructive patterns appeal to us because they offer the illusion of freedom. Giving into an urge gives us a phony sense of autonomy. The woman controlled by her appetite thinks, “To heck with vegetables. I’m going to eat what I want!” […]
Meeting Desires with Assertive Behavior What is assertive behavior? It is identifying our inner desires and being willing to share them with others in a sensitive, sensible way. The purpose of assertive behavior is to make our desires known and to be on equal footing with others. We have the right to be heard and […]
Put into Words the Payoffs of and Arguments for Indulging. Part of the power of addictive thinking is that it remains unexplored, like a black box whose workings remain concealed. Expressing the appeal of an urge can reveal the gears and springs by which the apparatus did its formerly mysterious work. Interestingly enough, compelling “reasons” […]
Lapse First, let’s examine the definition of lapse. A lapse is “(1) error: a momentary fault or failure in behavior or morality; (2) gap in continuity: a break in the continuity of something” (Encarta® World English Dictionary, Internet Version). When we think of a “slip up” — a momentary fault or failure in behavior — […]
Our minds are oriented toward simplicity and they are quicker to grab onto inner signals that are gross (obvious and intense) rather than fine (subtle and difficult to distinguish). It’s easier to shop than it is to feel inadequate. Likewise, it’s easier to mindlessly flip on the TV than to recognize that we’re longing for […]
Learn to Recognize and Lean Towards Pleasant and Unpleasant Emotions. When you experience one of feeling states that can lead up to your destructive habit, break it down into component parts. A compelling emotional state can seem monolithic, like a chaotic swirl of intensity. Research shows that writing out or verbally describing feelings can help […]
Recognize when you become reactive and flag the moment Several times a day, we shift in an out of an emotionally reactive frame of mind. Such transitions can be subtle or dramatic, but since they are so integrated into our conscious experience they typically go unnoticed. By catching the shift and registering it in some […]
